Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
