I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
