she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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