i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
