Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
