Cold hands, warm shart.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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