what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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