Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
