Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
