Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
