My friends, they love my intelligence
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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