Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
