Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Semen is not good for contacts.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
