dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
