The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
