I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
