i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Randomize
