Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
