I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
