I wish I only lived at night.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
