On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
