you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
