I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
