You're my little dorito
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
