I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Girls should come with a carfax report
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
