There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Are we still banned from the library?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
