we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
