I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
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