We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
