It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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