dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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