YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
