2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Small penises have feelings too.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
