You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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