Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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