i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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