Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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