He passed out mid-signature
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
