That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
