God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
