i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Randomize
