Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
