shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
