I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
