i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
