So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
