I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
