I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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