I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
