his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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