I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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