2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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