just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
