I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
